What You’re Doing This Week (Feb. 12-18) (Orlando Weekly)

Hey, it’s Lincoln’s 200th Birthday today! It’s also my beautiful wife’s! I’m glad she doesn’t look like Abe Lincoln. I’m also glad she’s not 200. Although if she was, she’d still look better than Abe Lincoln did at 30.

Anyway, as it’s Abe’s 200th birthday, and, since he was the only president with enough balls to actually DO something about setting slaves free and considering that the economy’s in the crapper (as if you needed me to tell you that; it seems like every stupid fucking commercial – from O’Boys BBQ to Mazda to whatever else – is now reminding you that you’re broke, but that you should spend whatever money you DO have on their particular product), I’m only gonna mention items this week that are either FREE (as in FREE!!) or, since there aren’t that many any of those, things that are CHEAP (as in $5 or less). That way, you’ll have plenty (hahaha) of money left to spend on the things that matter – lots of beer, tips for your bartender, and a taxi ride home.

Friday, Feb. 13

  • How great is this? Not only are there some great local punk bands playing at the Social – including two of my absolute favorites, Cherry Spoiler and the Attack – but they’re playing to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Even better? It’s only $5. And, as per usual, since the Attack is playing, I get to embed the best music video ever made:

Time To Collect – Video!

Saturday, Feb. 14

  • Don’t be a douche and stress out about Valentine’s Day. It’s not that big of a deal. But, no matter what you do, don’t YOU be the one to bring up the whole “Hallmark holiday” thing to your significant other. Let him or her do it first. Then you can be all “Yeah, I never really thought about it that way, but you’re totally right. Let’s go to Will’s and spend $5 to see four great bands who range in style from freaky noise rock to indie pop to Americana to just plain fun instead! You know, Bob on Blonde, Watch Me Disappear, Truckstop Coffee and the Delaneys would be way more fun than getting dressed up in uncomfortable clothes and waiting in line at Outback (cause that’s all we can afford) for a shitty meal. Plus, we can get wasted on high-gravity beer and when we get home, we can try that thing you always wanted to do with the ropes and the vacuum cleaner.”
  • Alternately you can go eat fried pickles and dance your ass off at the Kiss ‘n’ Makeup party at Crooked Bayou.

Wednesday, Feb. 18

Bao’s gonna call me out on this, but I seriously think y’all should go see Christian Wilson at AKA Lounge tonight. 1) It’s $5. 2) The guy’s a pretty good alt-pop songwriter, and I’m totally a sucker for that shit sometimes. (See: my love of Spacebar, however even guilty alt-pop pleasures can’t excuse Cori Yarckin, so I’m in total agreeance with the little tyrant on that one.) I get that he’s got plenty of that Days of the New/Candlebox/STP shit in his veins, but he can write a pretty catchy hook and doesn’t make me want to vomit when he sings. Anyway, I’m not so sure about the whole faux-honkytonk vibe (read:more flannel, less growling) Wilson’s got going on with his “Christian Wilson & the Wayward Sons” thing, but I think this is gonna be a solo show (I could be wrong, though). Definitely worth checking out … and it’s only $5.

  • P.S. – You’ll notice there’s not much listed in this week’s entry. That’s because of the artificial $5 barrier I applied. The geniuses who book local shows around here are positively delusional about several things, most notably the proportional value of local music versus music fans’ levels of disposable income. What the hell is up with local bands commanding $7, $8, $10 for a cover? $10 for a battle of the bands? I get the expense that touring bands incur, but charging more than $5 for a night of local music just turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy that “local bands don’t draw.” Get with it people, we’re in a freaking recession here.

First appeared Feb. 12, 2009 at Orlandoweekly.com.


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